Here goes nothin'

I thought I was supposed to be fighting, fighting for happiness, fighting for what my future brings, fighting to not hurt anymore...I even belted that song out in the car the other day "This is my fight song, take back my life song, prove that I'm alright song, My power's turned on"...

But the thing I realized at 2am, waking up from yet another bad dream this morning...who am I fighting? Everyone else is trying to move on and make changes. I am fighting letting go. And I am fighting myself. I've been fighting allowing myself to take the next step. It's time to stop fighting altogether and just simply move on. 

I realized I have been putting myself through a little bit of Hell and today it stops. I hope this works and it sticks. I may try to lean back in and question...but I am the only one that can stop this cycle.

Sometimes you don't get closure, or maybe you don't get closure yet. This most recent situation actually brought me closure on my last painful life change. So now, without closure on my job with BGC I am choosing to move on. Maybe one day I will understand a little more, or maybe my future is waiting for me to be okay with not having closure and just embracing the amazing things that are in store!

Today I am choosing to stop questioning, quit looking for answers (that aren't there), stop searching for things I may have missed, or what more I could have done, who didn't call me and apologize, or even how could this happen to me...

TODAY I close the door to the past (and every last painful question, memory, thought), open the door to the future (here goes nothin'), take a deep breath and step through and start a new chapter in my life (this is where the excitement and joy is just beginning).

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.
Proverbs 3:5

1...2...3...

I just let go!