I'm sure trying. I have faith, I have hope (lots) and I have the mentality that I can do great in this World, and I will. Some moments you just have to dig deep.
We just went on vacation, and boy did I relax...I played, laughed, I wake boarded better than ever before. Vacations are awesome, you get to leave your daily routine, all your chores, your stressors, and do really fun things with people you love.
Problem is...that stuff, it's still there when you get back. Although this time it was so different for me. I'd never gone on a vacation and not had a job waiting to go back to. I was driving back early Sunday morning and it all the sudden hit me...
You know when something awful happens and you just temporarily block it out, or you know that you've thought it to death, time for a mental break. It was like finding out all over again.
It hurt. I was really mad and almost in shock all over again... how could they do this to me? I'm a good person...I don't deserve this...
I felt tears running down my cheeks.
It only lasted 10 minutes...it's getting shorter and further in between, my moments of grieving that is.
The thing that brought me back- how far God has brought me in just two short weeks. I am more than surviving...I actually think I might be thriving. My inner voice {Time to go on your way lightheartedly}- because I've set myself up for this...with His help entirely.
I've been granted this rare opportunity to spend a couple weeks finding that inner peace, asking myself what I want to be doing. I get to relearn who I am and spend time setting new boundaries for my life...I get to reset!
Every day it seems a little easier, different bright spots to focus on. And you better believe it, I am getting over that sketchy ass bridge one way or another! I am just trying really hard not to skip over this opportunity to learn about myself...myself when I hurt and then really feel it as I get back up.
"I am just trying really hard not to skip over this opportunity to learn about myself...myself when I hurt and then really feel it as I get back up. "
ReplyDeleteI love this. So often we DON'T do these things -- we throw a bandaid on so we don't have to look at it, and it doesn't have to be exposed to the elements. But what it really needs is to BREATHE. You are letting it breathe, girl -- and knowing that it's healing exactly how it is supposed to heal. You ARE thriving. You ARE getting better, stronger, faster. But you are also recognizing that your heart took a hit, and you are definitely allowed to feel that as deeply as you are, no matter how many times it hits you. I am so glad you are writing about all of this, not just for the fact that you are sharing such a raw side of yourself with all of us, but for yourself! Someday you will look back at this and think "wow. I really had it together, even when sometimes I felt like I maybe didn't." <3