The path to Ruby Lane

Written on 11/11/16

This morning I was laying in my meditative yoga class...(and yes it was as amazing as it sounds!)... and our instructor was reading thoughtful, little passages. Although all of them made me tear up, one in particular made me feel with everything. 

The message was simple....Gratitude....there is so much in this world going on, going crazy, but what are you grateful for today, big or small?

As soon as I heard those words I could no longer listen, but my own heart swept away all thoughts. For a split second I was saddened....had I forgotten this past week all of the amazing things in my life that I have to be grateful for? I know that I hadn't...I gave myself some grace and just began to silently count my blessings and all of the things that I feel blessed about.

The tears were rolling down my cheeks, a smile covered my entire face...the music swept me away, far away from any news, facebook feeds, opinions, and in this space I just wanted to stay...

Go to that place...what are you grateful for today? I know that we have so many Veteran's to thank and be grateful for!! What else?

Here's how my list went:

• I am grateful for my husband, that loves me so fiercely and would do anything for me, who always takes me into consideration and protects me and my heart
• I'm grateful that I woke up this morning, safe, content and protected
• I'm grateful for a God who loves me no matter how many times I stumble
• I am grateful for my tribe...my village... my family and friends, who I can call on whenever I need to...who love me, share my pain when I'm hurting and share my happiness when I'm full of joy
• I'm grateful for my job...provides for us and allows me to feel a challenge, successful and accomplished
• My last thing that I am immensely grateful for...this thing that we've kept so sacred...not because we didn't want to scream it from the rooftops...but because Derik and I know that we haven't loved something so much...that we would do anything for...and anything to protect...I am so grateful for this tiny, little angel that is growing inside of me. What a little miracle it is, to be able to bring life into this world. A world that can sometimes be scary and unsettling, but a world that is so full of beauty and love. Baby Marshall, your  mom and dad can't wait to meet you and show you how wonderful this world can be...that moment I rubbed my growing belly and knew today is when I wanted to share this with you

Teeny tiny poppy seed

Written on 8/21/16

How do I even put into words how amazing, crazy, basically a whirlwind this week ended up being....

We just started settling back into our routines being back from Hawaii, and of course being married (7.16.16 D+N).

Last weekend I started feeling a little off, but honestly just thought a period from hell was about to unleash... Tuesday I was two days late....Tuesday was our one month anniversary.

I had some symptoms that I won't get into...but I refused to get my hopes up. So I told Derik I wouldn't take any tests until I was actually late.

Enter Tuesday, 8/16/16 Our one month anniversary...of course I didn't have to pee when I got home hahaha. Derik just kept saying come on...do you have to pee yet?!? Okay okay...here goes nothing...

Holy crap...there is one line and a very faint second line. Why is it so faint...it just leaves so much room for doubt. We ran to the store and bought 4 more tests (different brands) one was digital that just says yes or no.

That 3 minute wait...that feels like time stands still. I said "babe, you look".

Ummmmm yep...we are pregnant.

We looked at each other in disbelief that we had already started the creation of a little human...our baby....

That night I went to bed so happy, so at peace, so full of joy...wanting to dream about what our baby would look like, sound like.

Then the next morning I was a little crazy...I wanted to see a darker line just to know it was real. This whole process is quite the mind Fuck excuse my french. We had 3 more tests I might as well pee on them all...CRAZY lady alert.

The first one was also digital, some how I messed it up and got an error....who can't pee on a stick right. Okay 2 more trys. Clear Blue... we are not friends and I will never recommend you to anyone. Two tests that I couldn't see the second line...maybe a faint shadow...but all my doubts were back. Thank goodness I got into the dr. That afternoon...they gave me the blood test and assured me that we were in fact pregnant!!!