Faithfully Loving the Journey

Two months....two months have flown by so quickly. Two months ago I was abruptly set in a brand new direction. I was so scared, and in moments I still am, but I have found this new sense of security and truthfully think it will all be okay and work out. Two months ago I thought that maybe I would have landed somewhere by now...but the timing is everything and it's not the right timing just yet.

I've applied for 19 jobs to date, had a phone screen, an interview and heard back from a handful that the positions have been filled internally. I've written so many cover letters and searched through hundreds of job listings that they all sort of blur together. It's funny though...you would think writing cover letters would give you some confidence, but I found it in my phone interview on Monday. When something shatters you, it's almost like your experience goes with it for a little bit. When I started talking about what I knew and what I am actually good at, I felt this really neat feeling...that I had a whole lot to bring to this world and that someone would see that and really, really appreciate and value it one day!

The same can be so true for love I think. Many of you know about my last couple years. My heart longed for that right person to grab my heart, and love it back the way that I love everything in the world. It took some time, but I've been completely encapsulated by a love that I didn't know possible. To feel cherished, to feel valued, appreciated and confident that this person feels just as strongly in love with you as you do with them. I get weepy writing it, because I feel so blessed and often undeserving. These two months would have been a lot harder without this kind of unfailing love. He's been through this journey with me every step of the way.

It's hard not to sit in those moments of pity and say why do we have to go through this. Derik and I sat and talked a lot about it...I'm done with these crazy situations that we have to find our way through, I am ready for normal...then today I got possibly the best daily advice in my devotional:

"Expect to encounter adversity in your life, remembering that you live in a deeply fallen world. Stop trying to find a way that circumvents difficulties. The main problem with an easy life is that masks your need for Me. When you become a Christian, I infused My very life into you, empowering you to live on a supernatural plane by on Me.

Anticipate coming face-to-face with impossibilities; situations totally beyond your ability to handle. This awareness of your inadequacy is not something you should try to evade. It is precisely where I want you-- the best place to encounter Me in My glory...."

I get it...adversity isn't fair, not something we plan for. God has blessed me with a gift of making light of situations and finding redeeming qualities in everyone (next week in the blog), but when a situation hits...one that I can't even fully understand or make light of...it's time for me to lean hard on Him. That this broken world has somehow broken my heart...He is the one that can rebuild it. The one that can take me through this journey of self-exploration and make it okay not to understand, but to faithfully move on to the next adventure he has placed in my life.