Still every now and then a conversation will spur a memory, a thought will magically appear. It still causes pain. I think over and over I get these mini reminders that I cannot fully wrap my head around it...it just doesn't fully make sense. There aren't any new thoughts though and that's when I realized that I have to get a thought and let it go. There is NO more to solve. It's over!
I was afraid all of my pride & confidence was gone there for a while, then a couple job interviews and potential opportunities later, it had managed to find it's way back to me (and that's not without constant reminders from my loved ones). I've been a little picky, I just want it to be right. I do think the right job is out there waiting for me...it's that fun in between time, where I sit wondering has it been within the 40+ jobs I've already applied for, or is it one I haven't even seen yet.
Some days I obsess...what am I supposed to do, who will I be, am I good enough, WHERE will it be? Then in those moments where I can let go of the control again (notice how many times this little, powerful word has come up in the blog?!? LOL) and sit back and just get excited...and think that whatever it is, it's just around the corner.
Enjoy this time- that little voice says (oh wait that was Derik, who doesn't fully understand why I am incapable of sitting and watching TV all day). Every day I am trying to enjoy this time. Every day I am trying to do something I wouldn't normally do (given that I was working full-time). Make the most of this--do it for you!
Every day brings little miracles, reminders that all is okay because it could be so much worse. I've become a more humble, more balanced, more grateful, more compassionate and more forgiving. I'm still as optimistic as ever, this situation has just made me rely heavily of my positivity and search every day for my own sunshine!
