Yesterday I ran from my house, over the Manette Bridge, went on and ran over the Warren Ave Bridge, looped back and I made it home (Bridge to Bridge). Did I run the whole 4 miles...I'll never tell ;) Actually I didn't, these hills are nuts. I set the goal when I left to try to run the whole way & didn't- does that mean I failed at something else?
Is failure really an option? If you believe it is...than yes, I suppose it is. What does failure even look like? One thing I can think of...a workout class...someone guiding you and telling you, do push ups until failure. Until you can't anymore. Until you will actually fall on your face and are physically all out of energy and can't do one more rep.
So if we think of failure from that perspective then does that mean that we really cannot fail at life?
There are moments when we feel drained from situations, physically, mentally, emotionally drained. Feels like maybe you can't go on...then you get out of bed. Then you stop crying. Then you might even start laughing...belly laughing. It's a test, a trial, but God forbid we call it a failure...It sure as hell isn't, because I just got another rep, maybe even two in me today!
Life is full of things that test us. Test our patience, test physical strength, test our anger, test our confidence, test our faithfulness- why in those moments when we are tested and don't win do we chalk it up as failure? In most cases it's actually easier to see how we can fail, than how we might actually succeed, or even graze right over a success to plan out how your next failure plays out.
STOP SIGN! One of the smartest things I've heard, from a very smart and handsome source (my love).
My mind is powerful, as I'm sure all of yours are as well. I can convince it of anything...some things are great, but the problem is when we get on the negative train of thoughts...they are a spiral, they are our nemesis...that's what takes you down, not the situation. That's when you picture a STOP Sign.
I tried it the other day and realized that mine was more of a yield sign...which how serious do we really take yield signs (haha!)? You have to make a really conscious effort to make those thoughts stop. You can choose to be your biggest fan or worst enemy in these moments. I am lucky and surround myself with people who think I am kick ass...but what happens when you are by yourself? What happens when you wake up in the middle of the night? You have the actual choice...choose to be your biggest fan.
It's so easy to tell someone else that it's going to be okay and that it will work out...without doubt or reservation. Why is it so hard to believe for ourselves...because we've experienced what it's like to not be okay. You know what...every time it was temporary though, remember that.
It will be okay, it will be okay, it will be okay, it actually is going to be more than okay and be pretty amazing~
Can't wait to tell you all about it!
You know when you are planning an amazing hike, the one that you've seen online, the one friends brag about the top is just the most amazing sight...you have your map, your snacks (most important item), your water, and company. You've never done this before, so your goals are right in front of you. You are ambitious, ready, happy, and feel like today is it. You head out optimistic for an adventure, an adventure you have mapped out, an adventure you are sure you know what to expect, one you've been waiting and planning for. It starts out great. The sun is shining, you feel like you are exactly where you are supposed to be. You start hitting small victories...mile one down! Good conversation, connecting to nature...feeling at peace in your stride. You hit mile two and your starting to talk a little less, it starts becoming a little longer. You think wow how did I already drink so much water?? Mile three...snack time. You start to get a second wind that doesn't really last as long as you had hoped.
...then it all goes wrong! You trip on a root and scrape your knee, it shouldn't hurt, but the fatigue makes it sting. You don't have enough water and your all our of snacks. You want to sit in the middle of the trail and cry....but you planned this, you thought this was it, so you push on, but it gets too hard. You can't finish...it gets steeper and hotter and it just doesn't seem possible...time to turn back. Ever think that wasn't the trail...or maybe you were supposed to learn something along the way and not actually get to the summit?!? That sight that you've heard about, seen in pictures and wanted to post on your instagram...well damn. What now?!?
Do you tell people you only made it part of the way? Do you tell them that a huge part of you feels completely and utterly defeated? That maybe you never were cut out for it? Maybe you weren't...or maybe there is more to the story that you don't yet know...maybe it's not about what people think or what you feel like you need to tell them. This might just be about you. You've built a safe sanctuary, use it. Trust that you are surrounded by people that won't shame you, won't condemn you, but in all reality just lift you up and cheer you on next time you want an adventure.
All I know is that this probably will happen many times in my lifetime. I didn't actually go on a hike and get lost...I lost my job...lost my way...feel like I temporarily lost my purpose. All I know is that I don't want the control anymore...I want to let go and with help and guidance from God find the way he wants to take me. I know he got me this far and I hope my controlling little heart didn't get me too far off the path. Thankfully He forgives and will forever take me back. No maps, no plans, just be still and be peaceful...that's my plan...please God help me stick to it.
The sunshine is still brighter than ever...there has just been some cloud cover the last couple days and maybe a few scattered showers...but it's coming back powerfully and eternally!
Thank you for another day! xoxoxo
